Hi, haven't been coming here to write about stuff, I guess I need a place to rant rather than messaging people. I guess they just don't want to hear anything more than that. In fact, many things happened this year, being sick for almost 1/2 year. Took unpaid leave to recuperate, had a lot of time to think about the next step.

I realise that i should be more firm in deciding my life rather than listening to people's remarks and suggestion. Seriously, every move that I decide, everyone will have comments. In fact, it's so different that I am caught in the situation where I have too many suggestion that makes me so confused.

From deciding to getting a master, or to leave the company for another job. Between passion job/low pay or stable job/high pay but boring. I guess I really need a long term plan instead. Up till now, I still cannot figure out the direction which i am heading, it's bleak.

Probably, by writing down a list of direction, it will give me a clear picture of where to head on instead of worrying much not knowing where to go.
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*There's always one thing that I always keep in mind:
1. (Unstable Job) Working for private companies as full-time is tough, the pay will always stay stagnant. Fast paced and long hours.
2. (Very Unstable Job) Freelance is another option. Of course, you get flexible working hours by working from home, your pay can get higher depending on how you negotiate through but it does come with a risk of not having any projects for a month.
3. (Stable Job) By working in the government job,high pay, work life balance, but I probably won't enjoy much since there isn't much passion to it.

The best outcome would be:
1. I would probably aim for a better company to polish and push my animation further. I would like to move up to senior animator, if possible a lead animator, that's based on solely work performance. Provided it has proper welfare & work life balance and sustainable business down the road. Well, low pay will not be a great factor if they have work life balance, since there are choices to whether I want to take on freelance for extra incomes.

Animation director seems too far to talk about it for now, but it will be my ultimate target, probably it will work if I get into teaching sector and get to produce my own film in future. I supposed it's possible to still hop in by 35. If there's not much commitment, I would probably go and study a part time masters with support from schools. By then, I supposed I would have stayed in there till I retire.
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2. If situation does not allow me to work full time in future due to many circumstances and limits, I would probably fall into the category of the freelance. Good thing about freelance is that it has flexible hours, well I pretty like that from current experience that I have during my leave. The cons would probably be the instability of income.
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3. If situation is at my disadvantage, I would probably have to jump into the government sector earlier if there's this stigma against married women to work in private companies. Have to consider a stable income and balance work life.
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4. If situation is so bad that I can't find an animation job, I would probably have to widen my scope, for example: doing commercial work, design related stuff. Probably got to relearn a lot of stuff.
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Things that I should improve on:
1. Communication - I guess I have the capability to do things, the main problem is probably communicating with people. Writing is not a problem but rather speech. By not being able to communicate is as well as lose half the battle. Not able to convince people to listen, people will probably cast or step onto your head. English is the main problem for me! Urgh! I should do something about it.
2. If I aim go into teaching sector - should start learning to teach freelance lesson/ tag along with lecturers, gain experiences. Meanwhile, continue to learn stuff from everywhere, be it technical or other stuff such as concepts, storyboards, 3D etc. Start drawing girl!
3. Boost confidence!
4. Know a little bit of business would be good, but I won't want to deal in the business sector.
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Now I need to get out of my current situation!