Guess I am just a "smile" donator. The job is just simply to smile and laugh to bring joy to everyone. But is there any particular who can make me smile instead?

Well... Because people won't stop for you anymore, I really came to a conclusion that nobody will stop for you because they are too busy with their lives and not bothered about your problems or something.

Perhaps, it's time to really move on. I know I didn't miss anything too. No harm, no nothing. Sometimes, it's quite dumb for me to really bothering about listening out to other people. Maybe it's time to close up myself and stop desiring for something which is not going to happen bah. Talk to myself why did I set up the blog for, for once I abandoned this space just because people came to talk. Well, I am finally back to square 1 again. Hi, blog! As usual, always standing there. Be it rain or shine. Stood there still, as if nothing could change your stand. Had to admire such strong stand.
If I could abandon all emotional thoughts and be much stronger person next time. Well, at least for that 5 years I didn't cry for a friend whom seem too precious to me. Felt like letting it out somehow, but just isn't going to work like last time. I guess I learn to bottle things once again. Well, shouldn't have much expectation of a close friend. Maybe my expectation went too high.

How odd would you see yourself dreaming of something unusual when everything isn't real yet it look like one? Maybe, I just got myself away from my laptop and went out for the whole day, talking to people instead. The stories kind of mixed up somehow in the process of sleeping and they appeared at strange part of the dream.

All started from the part where the centipedes crawling in my uncle's house. Kind of Ekkk that just happened to like use a stick and poke it, one stick of centipedes. The rest is kind of ridiculous somehow. Surprisingly to see myself "invisible" trying to hide away from the crowd and steal back something rightfully.

Herher... Sounds kind of funny but yeah indeed. We spend 4 hours at the Mos Burger for dinner and Jiejun order like upsized meal. Was glad enough to talk to someone though I am not the one who is doing the talking all the time, which is kind of strange! AREN'T I SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE COMPLAINING ABOUT STUFF INSTEAD???? Hmm... Maybe it's not my nature to do that to certain people bah! No idea why! Maybe I am the target of listener for her most of the time bah, though I am seriously ranting like crazy this week! -_-| Just very tired to do all the assignments stuff as if it doesn't end somewhere somehow! Heard about her lifetime stories is secondary school where life is like kind of havoc for her! LOL! Perhaps a more interesting class that she had experienced in class.

Unlike me! Too quiet, too obedient, too this and that till like sec 4 when everything starts to fall apart. Not cutting hair blah blah. Lazy! But still just an innocent person no matter how people view me as! Touch your conscience if you want to say that I am a bad & cunning person! Yeah! I guess I ate too much fast-food for today. Not a great thing to do! -_-| Now it's time for suffering!

After some thoughts, family is still the best in the end. Maybe because I expected much of what a friend is supposed to be - more fun. And just because of that, you would expect them to be always there for you! Ah well... who will be able to do that in the end. If it's fated that I will never meet one, then let it be that way... At most I die earlier. Haha...

Guess I don't still really trust people that much, it's kind of hard to open your mouth and say something that is quite bothering you. Probably they will take it as a joke or something. Just like me! If my trust for friends is as strong as my family's one, probably that person is quite precious to me.

Ah well, judging at my character... probably not a very good person! A kiddish, hot-tempered person yet doesn't like people to comment so much about my character! Some may just find me a bit too crazy over some non existence stuff. Others may just find me not talking to people for some reason. Multiples personalities! "Oh, that's creepy!" Well, nvm!

I was actually quite glad that my mum accompanied me out to walk instead. Just anywhere that she could thought of was to go to Holland Village and look. One phrase,"Rich people's estate". Everything was EXPENSIVE!!! I meant if you actually went there before and figure it out! It looks more like a tourism area rather than locals shopping center. Well at most we walked for about 45 mins before we actually headed off to Bishan and eat our lunch. Hahaha... In the end, my mum spend on groceries!!! But good thing is that she doesn't have to go to the market tomorrow! LOL!

In the end, still doing my animation stuff. At least 1/4 of the frames are done with body movements! LOL! Still working on it! Hopefully will be able to finish it by Saturday then!

Last week was Mus'art Wind Orchestra's Beautiful Sunday. Perhaps this time is not that well prepared then before. Oh well... Nevermind, not my band anyway.

Were talking about something that relates to some facial stuff. Braces! Okay lah, not the topic that I would even talk about. Firstly, it does not concern me much. Secondly, it is kind of scary stories which i wish to hear it again. It's like the "Ouchhhh..." painful feeling! -_-| I wouldn't even want to tolerate such pain for the sake of growing prettier. Like please! No way! So gross can.

But anyway, recently has been feeling quite bothered by something. It's just not fulfilling my needs in some way. I need PEOPLE TO TALK TO ME!!! Like really talk anything under the sun, I do not have any problems but I just need to talk somehow before I really go berserk! Oh no!!! Going crazy!!!

Who will actually believe it? I bet none, given that I look like some kind of happy go lucky person. Ah well, where are the people when I need them? Why do I always happened to be alone when I need someone to talk to me. Perhaps, starting to feel a bit too lonely. -_- For goodness sake, have been trying to hold it since last year. I shall give it a thumbs up hand sign! But it's getting a bit serious at time passes. Please don't ask me for entertainment when I can't help myself up. Yeah personal feeling is bad!!! It's bad! But what to do when I can't hold it! Probably I might just break down and go crazy? Hm... Kind of worrying huh?

It's not that my family who doesn't talk to me all days, it's just something not happening right.

Edited:
I felt there is a need to write it down somehow since it is bothering me now. So terrible that I cannot concentrate on doing my work at all. I will just say what I am thinking now. I feel very lonely, and just in need of a companion with me somehow. Yeah, a very close one whom I trust, yet it would be a problem I spoke about this to a guy! Firstly, it sounds wrong. Secondly, to them is a joke. Thirdly, they might just avoid me instead. After all these years, I don't think I can hold for another few more years of single hood times. You can perhaps say that "I am desperate!" It used to be times when I confined most of my problems to my dad. And guess ever since he was very bothered by my mother's problems too, somehow just kept those stuffs to myself. Nobody entertains me, only I am the one entertaining other people instead. Perhaps, they may find me "entertaining", but they don't know that I also need certain kind of entertainment to keep myself going. What to do, I can't be bothered with you know flying kites, all those doesn't seem to interest me. Tell me about clarinet, I am also not that interested in any way. Perhaps, friends are evil that when they need you, they will pester you. When they don't need you, they disappear into thin air. Tell me how? I also need to do my work, but it's getting harder and harder to tackle. I am on the losing side of the war now.

Probably I am not in a good state to type now, because it's 1.28am and i am already to the lala land. Perhaps, I am just struggling to keep myself awake in order to completely dry my hair. Yeah... Kind of hate it for one reason. I am wasting my time trying to dry my hair when I could have gotten to my bed in just a few minutes. And now it takes hours to dry. Probably, I would just KO on my chair instead! Who knowS! Keke!

Secondly, with regards to today's celebration. Yeah go hell meh! LOL! Wish the singles to continue to be happy as always! Maybe I just felt I lost my happiness somewhere in the woods that requires me to search for it somehow! Tell me why? Maybe I should just cut my hair away! LOL! Perhaps emotional this kind of stuff wouldn't matter to me if I don't pay that much attention to it! ARH well... Shouldn't let the heart run freely, perhaps it's time to cage it! LOL! Maybe not that serious bah!

Don't go beyond the limit. To those whom you have criticize, one day they will surpass you. Perhaps, when you need help, nobody is there to help you at all! All because of your "willingness to abandon" people in every ways.

Hahaha... Didn't know that my laptop speaker can play that loud! So next time when people wants to agitate you, just blast the laptop. LOL! I guess? Something is not right with my lappy recently, bugs in my lappy that caused it to blackout? Can't do anything without knowing the cause for it. But high chance it has got to do with messenger too!

Guess if I went for audition during this few years. I would have probably landed in somewhere not so fantastic band bah! LOL! Guess people are getting more and more competitive than before.

Arh well, let's not talk about it. Let's talk about the rain today which is quite terrible. Even my umbrella can't take the force of the wind, it was pretty insane wind speed! And me and liyana in the end were drenched from half body down. Hahaha... Kind of hilarious but still pitiful enough.

Now the worst thing comes, don't know whether am I going to fall sick soon due to the bad weather. Hopes for the better!

Hahaha... Just received my CPF stuff. Surprisingly there is still a $4.98 there. Kekekeke... Looks like my PSEA account! Wahaha!