I am rather disappointed with my inability to write and analyze any more texts, everything seems so difficult out of the sudden and my answer would always be "I don't know". "I don't know". Everything seems so screwed up. I know nothing about context, I don't read, I don't debate, I don't argue. And these stuffs came up all of the sudden, leaving me so clueless of how to handle questions.

It seems like sight reading scores. It doesn't make any sense when you just play a note, so what has got to do with that note? I can have thousands and thousands of same note in different scores and it doesn't make any sense. Everything seems the same.

So what about reading, I can have a text which I can't even interpret what's going on in it. I can keep going round and round telling the same information all over again without concluding it. How am I supposed to survive in university which I am totally lack in. Come on, it's four years?! Four years of catching up something which I have totally no idea how to do it.

I need to destress!!! Can't take the stress! Need somewhere to escape. Perhaps in my dreams, it's the only best place that I could ever find. Well, SCREW IT SCREW IT SCREW IT SCREW IT SCREW IT! SCREW YOU! SCREW YOU! No 4d for now! YOU IDIOT! Well, who will know where my blog hides in. Only the best place to hide stuffs. I bet I wouldn't be able to hold that longer.

An issue which I want to share to people. Well, today was going home with my friend. I can't tell you what's the content of the stuffs that she talked about. It's religious anyway though I wasn't quite into religion stuff. Kind of takes me off anytime. But it did make me think what I really want. Well, did mention about "What's your objective in life or after death or whatever you called it." I wondered too. It kind of sets your mind to thinking what the hell is in front of you. But... You have to read on!

I am going to tell you straight on what I believe. I believe in band band band music and nothing else. BAND Music. Not those kind of Classical Baron type of music but rather fantasy type of music that brings you far away from human. Nothing about humans, just fantasy of hills and celebration. No wars no chaos. Just happy happy go lucky.

Nothing about religion. Religion stuff puts me off when I am super stressed out. Violence in me that won't allow that to happen. Human relationship are complicated, you see. What humans want doesn't mean that you want it.

Music? You can be selective to what you want to hear. Of course, you may like to listen to a lot more than that, be it pop rock blah blah. I can also say thousands of things that I like this this that that. "Oh this is like fantastic song...". But when it comes to stress, there are quite a lot of stuffs which you like might not work for you yourself especially. The reason behind I don't know. But when it comes to something back from the past, it sort of slows you down from what you are experiencing "Stress". Not to think too much so as to speak.

Flood myself with music. Happy music of course. Kind of "calm" me down. It's the same concept as "having someone to talk to..." Just that you don't have to "resolve" it. A sense of "escape" from reality though I have to come back!

Only few songs that I remembered:
-Blue Ridge Saga
-Omens of Love
-Disney Fanillusion
-YMCA
and etc.

Kind of miss them! Philwinds having concert this December and Mr Surapol is the guest conductor! Oh my GOSH!!! Secondary school guest conductor. Kind of miss him for quite long since secondary 4 graduate. Nice conductor from Thai university. You will be surprised that he influences quite a number of people in my secondary school band. Though those friends are not in band, but they still can remember conductors who are real nice.

I guess that's sort of "addict" to something that I believe in. I suppose! Nothing religious but something which I like.

Well, time to watch TV! LOL!

Examinations are coming! Well, at least for me is next week. Two papers. Kind of feel so stupid to take exams at this point of time. Are school trying to tell us something that since design people so free, they should get involved in exams too! LOL!

Haven't been reading anything since there is like projects going... On my final lap of doing my last project. Felt a bit scared! It's kind of like below my expectation to the sense that I have to motivate myself to do it! LOL! Since when am I satisfied with my work? I must pull my standard lower for now. The higher the expectation, the more disappointment I get.

Isn't going anywhere except home and home. I feel so sian. After all, this is like a competition of "results". I felt it kinds of irritate me to the extend that people keeeeep coming to me and say "how's your results!?" Sian sian! I just want to pluck that "kan chiong" in results out of my way. Makes me not able to concentrate on my work! Sian Sian!

I have to try my way out! Jiayou!

I wondered what actually make me so alive in polytechnic. Perhaps, band bah... Without all those nonsense stuff, I supposed life might be as dead as DMD. Perhaps, I am not committed to be friends with DMD people, sort of people can feel that there is a wall in between they themselves and their friends.

How much do they really understand a person? By simply joking big at the person would mean that they know the person better? I should say not. 3 years, which idiotic guy would understand how people feel when they are being made fun with names and names? So what if they are old and big. Should they even be well-respected as a person. That's when getting back comes in. When I gets this, you should get it from me as well. I don't care whether you do that or not, as long as you step on my limit. That's it. I don't have to care whether your impression of me is good or what. But the way you are doing seems to be laughing at me. Why should I follow someone which I don't even want to talk to? Talking to me as if you know everything when you actually don't know. Are you aware of anything? Are you able to sense anything from the other person? I know people like to act as if they are intelligent, but please, I am not dumb to the standard of a 5 years old kid.

If is someone whom I know I can trust, I can close one eye. But people whom I don't really feel close, just keep your names calling to yourself. Names is like your identity, when people make fun or your name, it seems like you are generally "lower-intelligent" than normal people. Tend to make those "stupid looking".

Well, all are past. I shall not mention or complain anymore. I guess is how I feel.

I realize one thing which people take it for granted especially words like "Sorry..." and whatever it is after that. Not that I don't accept this word "sorry" but the fact that "Sorry" seems the easiest word to make people to forgive your mistakes somehow. I feel is not the words which matter but how sincere the person apologize.

Words are just a body without soul, words are just nothing except this "representation". How you communicate to the person would show everything about your attitude, your behavior. For instant, when a person just stood in front of you and apologize, you would normally pay attention to their body language, their facial expression and their tone. If someone apologize to you with this non-repentance tone of "OHHH..., I am SO SORRY that I am late... I am coming down soon..." How would you feel? "Is that the way to talk like that?"

Maybe it's so common that we don't even see that but I guess to avoid trouble. But I believe some things are not meant to be used loosely.

Some issues might not be as important to you, but people might not think so. It's important that whatever actions that you do, you have to be responsible for it.

Well, just watched this scary places. Indeed it is scary with the strange voices going on. But I have no idea what's going in that. Need to chiong my sound tomorrow!

I should avoid vulgarities at least when I want to scold a particular people.

Stop provoking my emotion to anything related to academy. I hate when people are trying to tap on my feeling especially. That's called INVASION on my personal mind!

I am totally pissed off with what the education system. It is so influential that it brainwashes people's mind to only know how to study and study. Thanks to whoever create that, I fell into the trap of those! I should just bang my head onto the wall and remove this "education" out of my mind.

In times, I really don't know what to do when I am very pissed, just wanted to vent out all my anger, not possible to scream at my family for no reasons. Not possible to rant all my complaints to my friends because they also have their own set of problem.

All I could do is to IMAGINE MYSELF SCREAMING AS LOUD AS I CAN DO LIKE BEFORE. Scream till people just give me a tight slap. I guess I really need one but let me scream till shiok.

Just because I grow up, screaming has become a stranger to me. Everything went into myself. Never felt like the past when the whole house vibrated, the sharpness of the scream as if glass could break at one go! To an extent that everyone would just cover their ears, I would just scream till my throat are sore! Till my bad energy are being released.

I must really find one day to do that, if not i will go bonkers so soon. Thinking is just a waste of MY TIME! Remember this! I wouldn't go to extra effort for something which doesn't even makes much sense to me. Even for a simplest thing like chopping a stupid stamp onto Stamford Raffles. SO WHAT? As if I would bother a single sai out of that, is that my problem? Is that my purpose of doing art? What's my purpose of sitting in class when I can't even get a single sai out from there? As if I am there to answer questions? NO... I would just sit there and remain shut. SHUT YOU KNOW, I AM JUST PLAINLY VERY IRRITATED WITH QUESTIONS AND QUESTIONS. *Blank out* Stop irritating me when you got something better to do.

*Hooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuu* I am still not satisfied yet!