So annoyed now! I don't feel like doing anything especially to lock myself somewhere to reflect . Why am I always the one who can't do things well? Am I disappointing myself? I mean who am I actually comparing with. Myself? I have no idea why am I doing this all the while when people could just do their way through and suceed.

As if coming to this course would help to save faces of my family, myself. As if shutting those people's mouth up so they would just stop comparing the people who went through poly. Hello!?!? Why are all your eyes so high up there? Are you saying that by going to polytechnic would mean bad?! Why are you all so not contented. Why would you want to comment a person who is slow, and not smart, I know you people earn big bucks and talk like people are trying to po you and waiting for you to give them money because you aare RICH?! And daughters with good occupation and high pay. So what, do you think I care?

As if everything would seem to be alright after that struggle. BUT NO! Life still goes on like no ending. Till the day when my world comes to a stop.

Crying seem to be my forte in school, I suppose everyone would be wondering why am I crying. Humans are strangest living things on world. As if everything would be satisfied. Perhaps, I am not contented enough. To an extent, you wouldn't know how to break through from something, there is an limitation that you could go and you have no idea how to go after that.

I took things for granted, as if going to the area of art would kind of help me? Was it really what I wanted to do in the first place. Almost all of my stuffs are not from my own, as if I have been a doll or a something living in a small house contented for almost 21 years.

Not for once have I thought that gpa wasn't important, how? This is Singapore, not anywhere else, if people are kiasu, shouldn't I be kiasu. But how to get out of this? I bet nobody can tell me that they are not concerned about their results since it's SINGAPOREAN. Obviously, people lie no matter how they sounded like "oh this is nothing... It's just a piece of paper?!" Easier said than done. In industry, who doesn't look at the paper before "quoting you a price for a job?"

For one moment, I am assured that I have chosen the right thing, but for another moment I would be sitting here and crying, thinking that this might not be the one. Maybe for this time, I haven't been able to tell myself "I can do it..." after graduating from poly. Everything changes like nobody's business. If I wasn't that emotional towards anything, I would have probably do more outrages stuff than what I am.

I have no idea what is so interesting for me to smile everyday, what's so good about getting hyper, what's so good about drawing, what's so good about playing music, and then can't do any work. I have no idea why am I always thinking that slow, as if the world can wait for me to answer after 1 year or something. Just like a frog in the well who doesn't know anything much. Perhaps I am slow enough. Maybe, I haven't taste the real extreme bad experience. Too childish though!

Just a small small tiny person in the world, nothing great to say about.